How Do You Call Your Lover Boy?
by CokeBottleK
Summary: "Nuh-uh, Evans. No way would Prongs skip out on Quidditch with me just to shag you.": Lily and Sirius make a bet for James's attention. L/J. One-shot.


**DISCLAIMER: All credit goes to J.K. Rowling; I just own the storyline. Title credit goes to Mickey & Sylvia ("Love is Strange"). Cover art and inspiration by anxiouspineapples.**

_Yes, I'm still working on my multi-chapters; I'm just an unreliable twat, that's all. In the meantime, enjoy some more of my L/J one-shotty more-implied-than-actually-occurring-smut (because, you know, I thought too much of the sexy would disrupt the general flow of the story I established beforehand). _

_This piece is dedicated to all those Tumblr followers (_**cokebottleglassesarecool**_, that's me) who made me feel better after a completely shit day. Thanks, guys; that meant the world to me, and still does, and will most likely continue to do so. _

_;D –K. _

* * *

**How Do You Call Your Lover Boy?**

…_Come here, lover boy._

– _Mickey & Sylvia –_

* * *

The long-suffering and arguably inevitable rollercoaster that was James Potter and Lily Evans's relationship was abound with arguments, hexes, sexual tension, and – perhaps most notably – money changing hands.

That is to say, if ever there was a betting pool so alive and well within the walls of Hogwarts, it was any that revolved around the tempestuous Gryffindor couple. Marauder favorites included, but were not limited to:

First year: During a flying lesson, How Long 'Til Evans Knocks Prongs Off His Broom Because He's Annoying Her? (Sirius had too much faith in his best mate, and therefore lost to Peter's guess of three-and-a-half minutes.)

Second year: During a particularly difficult Potions lesson, What Sort of Prank Will Prongs Pull on Evans to Corrupt Her Hard Work? (This bet quite unfortunately fell through, as James focused his efforts on ruining Severus Snape's work instead. Sirius ended the lesson with a Filibuster in Lily's cauldron and – lacking in inconspicuousness as he was – Sirius ended up with that same Filibuster lodged up his nose until Madam Pomfrey could jimmy it free.)

Third year: During a study session in the library, How Long 'Til Evans Notices the Gum Prongs Permanently-Sticking Charm'd into Her Hair? (Peter – having been tutored by Lily and was therefore well-accustomed with her quick-mindedness – claimed another victory, while James claimed a bloody nose at the end of Lily's very irritated fist.)

Fourth year: Throughout the second half of term, When Will Prongs Admit He Thinks Evans is Fit? (Sirius lost again, this time to Remus, who had always been much more perceptive than all of his friends when it came to matters of the heart.)

Fifth year: Throughout the course of the entire academic year, How Many Times Will Evans Reject Prongs? (Quite disgruntled by this point but nevertheless confident, Sirius once again fell victim to the faith he had in his almost-brother. Assuming that James's crush was nothing more than a passing fancy, Sirius charitably allowed his friend a total of three rejections before he gave up on that Evans bird for good. He lost spectacularly to Remus and Peter's shared estimation of twenty-seven.)

Sixth year: By the time this bet rolled around, Lily got on quite well with all of the Marauders, James included, so the pool opened under the name of How Long 'Til Evans Starts Making Googly Eyes at Prongs? (Sirius, still unconvinced of the couple's likelihood, lost his gold to Remus sometime mid-May. No one but Sirius was particularly surprised at this outcome.)

Seventh year: The ever-famous When Will Prongs Get Evans to Go Out with Him? (Lily, bold girl that she was, turned the tables on this bet when she cornered James while he was doing laps on the Quidditch pitch; she promptly made him fall off his broom when she asked him for a date. And so, by the first Hogsmeade visit, both Sirius and Peter had handed over ten Galleons to an uncharacteristically smug Remus.)

In short then, Sirius Black had certainly come off worse in every last one of the bets concerning his best mate, and he was suitably bitter about the whole thing. So, when he and Lily got into another good-natured tiff late in January, he couldn't resist another opportunity to regain his misplaced confidence.

"Nuh-uh, Evans," he said, shaking his head as the pair of them shared the couch in front of the fire. "No way would Prongs skip out on Quidditch with me just to shag you. You shag all the time; I'd sooner bet he was tired of it by now."

This last comment earned him a smack upside the head, courtesy of Lily's completed Charms essay. "And I'd sooner bet that you want to shag him yourself!" she countered.

"And I'd just _bet_ you'd like that, wouldn't you, Evans?" Sirius shot back with a teasing grin. "Kinky little swot that you are. Who would've guessed?"

Lily kicked him. "Care to make a wager on that, love?" she suggested and then, before Sirius could drop any innuendos, added, "About Quidditch with you versus shagging me, that is."

Eager to prove that he knew his best mate better than he'd demonstrated over the past seven years, Sirius readily complied. "What's the wager?"

"Well…" Lily glanced at the portrait hole to make sure James wasn't making an early entrance, and then turned back to Sirius with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "It's simple, really. When the lot of them gets back from the library, ask James for a game of Quidditch, and I'll use my feminine wiles to get him to skip out on you instead. Five Galleons to the winner."

"Ha!" Sirius snorted. The James Potter he knew would never pass up Quidditch, feminine wiles be damned. He'd never let Lily distract him from a match before, at least; Sirius didn't count that stunt back in September when she'd caught him doing laps, labeling it as a surprise attack. But James had to be quite used to her by now, and would have undoubtedly built up some sort of anti-Evans defenses.

With that in mind to boost his already over-average confidence, Sirius stuck out a hand for Lily to shake. "You're on."

"Deal, then." Lily shook his hand once, firmly, sealing the bet with a cockiness to rival that of fifth-year James Potter.

Lily left the fireside soon after and wandered a little ways off to sit alone and strategize properly. Sirius, meanwhile, continued to lounge in his seat, totally unperturbed by his competition – or distinct lack thereof, as far as he was concerned. He may have been wrong about all those other bets, but he'd since convinced himself that those were nothing but flukes, and surely his luck would hold this time around.

Still, though, as soon as the rest of his mates joined him in the common room not ten minutes later, Sirius didn't waste any time in suggesting a quick round of Quidditch.

"Sounds good to me," James agreed, ignorant of any ulterior motive, and happy to indulge in his favorite pastime after two hours of Defense homework he'd left to the last minute.

Sirius, feeling more self-assured by the second, was quite content to count his eggs before they hatched at this point, but then…

"Oh, James?"

As if a switch had been turned on in his Lily-centric brain, James turned immediately at the sound of her voice. Unable to help itself, his hand sprung to his hair and ruffled it up a bit as he offered his girlfriend a wide smile. Remus and Peter exchanged a grin that Sirius did not participate in as his eyes followed the source to James's distraction.

Surely he couldn't be that eager, Sirius thought, not still; for the love of Merlin, it had been 'round about five months now… Despite the continuous evidence, Sirius couldn't believe that his poised and oftentimes narcissistic friend could be this love-struck.

"Something I can do for you, oh love-of-my-life?" James asked cheekily, his eyes all for Lily now.

She smiled and it very nearly knocked him clean off his feet – but that was the thing about Lily, James thought; she could knock any bloke off his feet, even when they were planted so firmly on the ground. Not that he'd say anything of the sort out loud, not with Sirius this close by, as prone to fake vomiting as he was when it came to those kinds of sentimentalities.

"Could you come here?" Lily requested lightly, trying not to laugh at the daggers Sirius was staring at her. "Just for a mo', love?"

"I –" James chanced a glance back at Sirius, who very pointedly mouthed the word _Quidditch_ at him. A little put-off now, James turned back and called to Lily, "Can't right now. I just promised Padfoot a fly around the pitch. I can catch you when I'm back, though."

"Oh." Lily let her face fall, just a little; it wouldn't do to overdramatize her efforts, because then James would know something was up. She and Sirius hadn't discussed it, but something told her that would negate the bet, and negation just wasn't the same as winning. "Well, I suppose it could wait."

Making sure to keep her expression disappointed but not desperate, Lily went back to the book in her lap. James, meanwhile, had turned to fix Sirius with a beseeching look. "D'you think we could put the game on hold, just for a few minutes, so I can see what she needs?"

"What for?" Sirius demanded. He ignored the mutterings of Remus and Peter, who were clearly on about making another bet between the two of them. "Prongs, she said it could wait."

"But I –" James's argument was cut off, then, as he felt Lily's hands slide over his shoulders and down his chest. He swallowed, hard, at the unexpected heat of her touch, and tipped his head back to look at her. She was leaning over him, her hair falling into his face and assuaging his nostrils with the scent of something clean and crisp he couldn't identify, but it was still setting tiny fires to his nerves. "Well, hello, love."

"Hello," Lily returned through a small smile. She made sure to keep up the caress over his chest, feather-light touches over his heartbeat. "Just wondering, darling, how long you think it'll be 'til you're back?"

"What do you care for, Evans?" Sirius snapped, annoyed now that he saw James's resolve shatter so quickly. _Idiot._ God damn those feminine wiles.

"It's just…" Lily offered her competition a cursory glance and a tactful smirk before turning her attention back to James. She bent lower so that her lips touched his ear and she whispered into it, "I could really use your help with something."

James whimpered a little and shot another look at Sirius, who resolutely shook his head. Determined not to be outdone, Lily moved her hands to James's shoulders and across the back of his neck; her thumbs rubbed circles just below his ears, because she knew that made him melt. And if there was ever a time she needed James Potter to be putty in her hands, it was now.

"Quidditch, Prongs," Sirius cut through the delicious fog that had settled over James's senses at the feel of Lily's breath on his skin. Remus and Peter sniggered but didn't say anything.

"Right, Quidditch." James tried to snap himself out of it as he sent an apologetic look at his slightly discouraged girlfriend. "I swear, I'll do whatever it is you want as soon as I'm back."

Deciding that she'd have to put her all into this sooner than she'd anticipated, Lily sighed into his ear and bit at the lobe, knowing that it was James's special weakness. "As fun as that sounds, love, I was actually thinking that you could help me out by doing whatever it is _you_ want."

"Ah –" James's breath caught when he felt Lily's tongue sweep up the back of his ear. _Fuck._ His sudden and uncharacteristically twitchy demeanor didn't go unnoticed by his friends, either: Sirius scowled, and a few coins were already being exchanged between Remus and Peter, both of whom seemed amused despite their monetary losses.

"Prongs," Sirius took the opportunity to cut in again, so firmly that he almost felt like Dorea when she was chastising the pair of them for terrorizing her household.

James looked over at his friend, guilty, like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't be. As far as Sirius was concerned, that was exactly what James was doing – getting seduced by his bloody girlfriend like that. Pah! Sirius nearly despaired for the sake of all blokes; James certainly gave them a bad name, that was for sure.

"_What?"_ James said as Sirius continued to fix him with a stony glare and Lily – throwing all caution and propriety and even her dignity to the wind – started kissing his neck. His hand jerked and twitched, succumbing to the sheer discomfort of the situation: Annoyed mate, horny girlfriend, the potential for a broken promise, and the more pressing potential that he wasn't going to get laid if he _didn't_ break that promise.

True to form, Sirius didn't offer any sympathy. He tapped the face of his watch impatiently and said, "Time's a-tickin', Prongsy. Might want to get out on the pitch before dark."

"Waste of a walk down there, if you ask me," Lily murmured to James as she continued to kiss him, but Sirius heard her, anyway.

"Good thing no one asked you, then," he pointed out, causing James to throw a pillow at him.

"Shut up, Padfoot."

"Damn," Peter muttered, and he tossed another Sickle at Remus. "Didn't think he'd resort to projectiles so soon."

Remus flipped the coin between his fingers, grinning broadly all the while. "Don't feel bad, Pete. It's only because I've known Lily the longest, so I'm much more perceptive to her tricks."

"Tricks?" James cocked an eyebrow and Sirius felt a rush of impending victory. "What tricks?"

"No tricks," Lily assured him quietly. She made a mental note to kick Remus in the shins later; stupid berk was always supposed to be on her side, whether or not he knew the stakes. She'd have to have a word with him about this. "I just don't see the sense in you walking all the way down to the pitch now, when you could just as easily come upstairs with me."

"I –" But James was cut off, once again, when Lily bit very purposefully on his earlobe. He barely restrained a groan as he jumped from the couch and grabbed her hand. "Right, sorry, Padfoot, but no Quidditch for me tonight."

"What?" Sirius barked, enraged as his victory was snatched from him so unceremoniously. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Never been more serious in my life," James told him, already dragging a triumphant-looking Lily towards the boys' staircase. "I'll take a rain-check, though, mate."

"Take a rain-check on Evans!" Sirius tried in a last-ditch attempt to leave Hogwarts with at least _one_ win under his belt.

James spared him a glance over his shoulder, then turned to Lily, looked her pointedly up and down, and then looked back at Sirius once more, this time with an incredulous smile. "Now _you're_ the one who's got to be kidding _me_, right?"

Sirius groaned and flopped back onto the couch in a state of utter despondency, once again foiled and left with yet another failure. "Right, yeah. Kidding," he said heavily, then waved a hand at his sorry excuse for a best mate. "Go shag your crazy bird's brains out, then."

Having already delayed the inevitable long enough, James didn't need telling twice.

* * *

It was dark up in the dormitory; they'd had no time to trifle with lights, and the sun had set at least an hour ago. The bed closest to the window had its hangings hastily shut, clothes strewn impatiently about the mattress, and two pairs of bare legs twisted up together with the blankets.

Lily grinned across the pillow at the hazel eyes she felt watching her; it was a sensation she'd familiarized herself with (and secretly thrilled at) by the time fifth year ended. "I can't believe you skipped out on Quidditch," she said, her giggle muffled by the pillowcase. "Some friend you are."

James tangled their fingers together over the mussed sheets and grinned right back at her. "My girlfriend's a right bloody siren," he confided to her with a sigh of feigned resignation. "Can't help but come when she calls me."

"Hmmm…" She leaned over and caught his lips, both of them still smiling, and she murmured contentedly into his: "That's my lover boy."

* * *

Seventh year, take two: Out by the lake one April afternoon, Sirius Black gave up having any faith in his best mate at all. He won twenty-five Galleons off an astonished Peter and an amused Remus, neither of whom had expected James to get down on one knee quite so soon.

Half-dressed and soaking wet from when the object of those long-suffering affections had pushed him into that lake, too, and yet there the pair of them were: James, water streaming over him, knee bent at Lily's feet, a ring in his hand; and Lily, shocked and laughing and throwing her arms around him, and then they toppled together into the grass and of _course_ they were kissing again, idiots-in-love in their natural state of being.

Remus shook his head and looked at Sirius. "How the hell did you manage that one, eh?"

"Guess I know our Prongsy better than seven years' worth of bets would suggest," Sirius said with a grin and a shrug, pretending to be just as surprised as the rest of them when James popped the question. Not wanting to sully his sole victory, Sirius quite wisely kept his unfair advantage to himself: Growing up with mostly female cousins, he'd always had a better eye for jewelry than solitary child James, and so it had been him who'd helped pick out the ring.

Besides, Sirius thought as he watched his best mate slip that ring on that crazy bird's finger, he never did give Lily her five Galleons. So, in the end, he figured he owed her _something_.


End file.
